oh if anyone has this same problem I know how to fix it now

Click on the message that comes up saying 6 unapproved messages or whatever - this will take you to the particular social group with the 'supposed unapproved messages' - now click on all threads in that social group - then in the drop down menu choose 'unapprove messages' - so it unapproves ALL messages in that social group - then click on all the threads again and choose in the drop down box 'approve messages' - all fixed